it's hard being myself
i don't act my age
so i can't make friends my age
they find me too intense
but i just want to be me
it's hard to relate
it's not because i think i'm better
i'm afraid of what they think of me
i don't want to be judged
which leads me to being fake
which leads me to lying about who i am
which leads to loneliness because i can't let them see me
usually i write this stuff in a notepad, because after i get it all out i feel better. it's out of my system. i forget about it. except not really i just pushed it down temporarily. but after i write it all down, i can delete it. erase, backspace my thoughts and feelings. it's all so negative. i worry if it ever leaves my brain something bad will happen. will i even publish this? maybe this could help me. maybe this could be the next step. help me with what? who knows. it could do something for me and lately i need a lot of help, because things are getting bad. worse than they have ever been. i am so alone, i am losing myself, i do not want to be in the situation i am right now.